not very productive

I must be worn out from the past 2 2am nights.

Sheesh. What a lousy excuse.

But for a day as unproductive as this, yeah, i'll use every excuse i can gather.

This morn was kinda late for sch, which was teachers day celebrations but well i could have came an hour later and celebrations won't even have started it. Its *yawn*. Oh and i was hard working enough to whip out my gong han book to read, andy's zuo wen to memorise and weiqi sihuo book to do during the free time (which includes part of the celebrations). Whee.

Which irks me even more how i wasted my afternoon after returning home. But first, the trip back to nyps.

After celebrations i went mos burger to eat while jon ng hunted for some card and then we met walter and went back to nyps in cab and gosh everyone sure grew and for diao the difference was really obvious unlike in class hmm whr lotsa guys are short as well. heh oh and compared to a grp of sec 2s we were like the younger ones instead. But anyway met mrs tham and some other teachers (none of whom remembered me) and i begin to feel really out of place (walter later asked, were u in 6K?!). Like how i could well be feeling if we had a 4H class gathering some years down the road. Which's wly, waiting for my dinner to come home...haha...

Listening to 'Jubiloso Overture'...sounds fun...=(
What can i say? What can i do? Its none of my business anymore. =/

Hmm...and Mrs Wong checked with Mrs Bajaj...CANNOT retake le...
Oh well... =/
Hmm...Its already a B3 and E8 on my cert le...
NO MORE LOUSY GRADES!!!

Going to work on...S.S and Geog later...dododo! gogogo! =)

OH YEA! tml going gym with Farz in the morning! haha...work out!!!
Hmm...i want to buy bag! buy jacket! but need to save money...hmm...
y cert le...
NO MORE LOUSY GRADES!!!

Going to work on...S.S and Geog later...dododo! gogogo! =)

OH YEA! tml going gym with Farz in the morning! haha...work out!!!
Hmm...i want to buy bag! buy jacket! but need to save money...hmm...

One thing changes all

Today's post was meant to be a sombre one. Something along the lines of insult=motivation, or 'you don't demand respect, you earn it' cuz i was pretty upset that i was not asked to play for my sec 1 class in inter class soccer. They rather play with just one psl while others have 2 then field me. of cuz it wasnt said outright, but when they say, "we want weiyuan" when u tell them they can field 2 psls then u more or less get the idea.

On one side its good class spirit, they want their own classmates to play. It also reflects how poor a job i've done in bonding with them as a psl. But on the other hand it shows that my gym regime isn't enough, i still don't give the impression that i can play sports. So thats my motivation. Work at it. I already deserve to be on the field. I just need to make it more obvious. And they'll regret.

its kind of spiteful words to come out of a psl's mouth. Its not the sec1s fault, i reiterate. Its the combined fault of mine not bonding enough with them as a psl, as well as my not playing enough sports. The former is already too late to correct, the latter is what i'd work on this holidays. No no, not only then. Every single time i head to work out, i'll remember it. 30/30 gold for napfa, my target for next yr.

And the happy thing? Today after the debacle at soccer i went gym, then went jurong pt regional library to mug then went back on train like 7+ so i saw this gal and conincidental enough we walked all the way from jurong east outside ntuc there until we wait for the train to boon lay. So anyway i went to chat with her and then just as we were down the escalator at boon lay and abt time to ask for no., she mentioned her sch, "Hai Xing". I was like, um, um, is there a Hai Xing secondary?! Then she said no, she's from PRIMARY SCHOOL. *flips*

They don't do it right neither

I've decide to go for soccer tmrw, so i'm gonna write this quick.

They don't do it right neither. Actually, neither do i. When pressed with a whole host of problems, i have the tendency to zero in on the easiest one first, even if its hardly the pressing one. Like if i were a teacher, and the class is very noisy and i can't seem to keep their volume down no matter how hard i try, i could very well go over and pick on a guai kid doing, say, covering his ears with earplugs. After all, how can he wear ear plugs and not listen to me talk? What?! so that he can do his work in peace? Are you saying i can't control the class well? Oh crap, actually i can't.

Which is why i always say, i don't wanna be a teacher. Its a tough job, hard to do well, and in certain cases, hardly ever done well.

No wonder some time ago they were discussing outsourcing discipline. That 'd be a sad day, but then perhaps the day has already come, just that the remedy has not tagged along. its like proudly proclaiming ur not sick by stubbornly refusing medicine. Thats not the way to do things. Something must be done.

And i hear u say, "armchair critic". Yeah, i'm a bad egg. Bad egg all over. I'm gonna be irresponsible again and point fingers. Point fingers to "volunteer-cum voted security guards" and say, even 5 of them are useless, what can i do?

Get tough, cuz things will just get tougher

My much vaunted RE has come to a close. The result? 67/100. And 12/20 for oral. Do i speak so badly?

I begin to understand my dad's confidence more. Sometimes its overbearing; experts tell him 'no' and he insists on 'yes'. But thats self belief. Which i need.

I looked thru my report book 2 days ago while preparing my own testimonial, and saw the great comments i had for english in the past, and i don't believe it just slipped like that. No. It did not. Did not. Did not. Neither was my 78 for RE last yr a fluke. Just that we have different examiner's, thats all. And when u get English teachers to grade ur oral, gd luck.

Anyway i felt like a genius/fool today, and Brian could attest to that. I had a whole pages full of Ts and Fs (T-True, F-False) on my philo ws, all to prove whether a few lines of argument is valid/invalid. On one hand, its great to be able to proof these stuff mathematically. Anyone who had trouble convincing others of one's strongly believed, rigourously supported viewpoint, 'd concur with me. But on the other hand, its such a chore =/

Oh and i passed my phonemic transcription test. Thx hz!

Then he'll play you out.

Its been a lousy day.

I need to be disciplined when it comes to sleeping early. Otherwise, when u get up the next day, ur body will protest.

Like it did today.

Move, move move!!!!!!!!!

And i've been moving. Pretty much non stop.

Spent wednesday planning the 7wks ahead, and decided to plan till sept holis first.

Couldn't keep exactly to the plan, cuz some stuff cropped up as usual but its still pretty darn good.

Oh yeah i swam on wed morning. First time in a year!! Now swimming 'll be THE cardio exercise, i find it more fun than jogging.

Today had tuition, writing my own testimonial (gosh, i start to feel i'm great!) and then gym, and then setting up of our weiqi blog. Its at

http://raffles-weiqi.blogspot.com/

while its still at its infancy.... I really can't wait!

Life's Great!

a Relook

My house's crumbling.

No, not literally. I just looked around me and my sis apparently broke down again, my mum's got a severe headache cuz of that and my dad is scurrying around consoling 'em both.

Neither's anything new, just that, its all on the same day today, with me down, too.

So i decided to look on the bright side. I set up weiqi club at sec2 and we were 2nd, now that i'm leaving we're 2nd as well... but at we've established a club, an infrastructure. And patrick and hongbo has 2 yrs to go, i hope they'll remember the pain, and devote time to the avoidance of losing anymore in the future. It hurts to lose when ur this close.I should know, because i'm smarting from it.

But when i look at things again, the only ppl who think an issue is a big one, is the person himself. I've scrolled through my msn contacts and hp list, thinking of finding someone suitable to talk to. But no, there's no one. Not absolutely no one, just that i'm not in the mood of hearing the cliche stuff of encouragement "Its alright, you've ur best.." or "Jia you!!". Haiz. I'm so picky, ain't i? How else do i expect ppl to cheer a sad person up?

LOl. I know what i need to do. I need to start winning, to reassure myself that i am, indeed, a winner.

Even the gods can't help.

What's more to say?

我已尽力了。但也不过如此。

Fate was on our side. I can feel it. First they change the time rules that's advantageous to long thinkers like myself. Then sionghwai etc didn't come. Then xiao mo loses his first game by forfeit cuz he was late. Then i get to face off with xunkang today in round 4, effectually the finals. If i win it, not only 'd i get individual champ, the team trophy's pretty much assured as well. Then all the way up to the last round, xunkang and xiao mo , both from hci ,get paired with each other. We just had to win our own games, and we're champ. Then we still lost 1 more game, by
half point.

So many chances, and we blew them all?

And there won't be a next one.

I know what i should be saying. I should be positive. I should say tmrw i'll begin training, and next yr in RJ we'll win. But no, i'll be lying. Oh come on, if we get 4th next yr, it'd already be an achievement. What abt individual comps? There're plenty around! Qiuping lost to sionghwai and Jin still 说得过去。But now...haiz. If i can't win xunkang, do i stand any chance against the rest? No, no, this is IT.

The End. Game Over. 与冠军无缘

I played with hunger. And i still want to be a winner. I hate 2nd, 3rd, 4th, whatever. I want champ.

But i've bungled it. This opportunity's wasted. Gone with the wind. The train's left.

So tmrw i must salvaged my sch results. So many sec4s concentrating on their work and putting weiqi on hold, i must do that too. Studies. Yes. no more 300-ppl-ahead-of-me bullshit.

Oh and today i planned to do smth else as well, but since i played terribly i wasnt in much of the mood to do so. Besides, its probably not a good idea. Unlike my championship, there's plenty of opportunities for this in the future.

For now, its my studies.

Stay hungry.

Nightmare build-up, dreamy start, dash to the finish?

Last night i went to play on kgs and lost 3out of 3!!!!!!!! UGH hahaaha felt so screwed. Had trouble sleeping last night, until i gave up and went for a cup of Choya, u know, that japanese liquor thats mixed with other drinks. I just mixed with water and ice and it was pretty good.

Today morning didn't plan my ct but hey i can do it another time.

Theres a realistic chance of winning champ tmrw. HCI basically sent their u-14 team, MINUS fcc, so the pressure should be on us to win it. And for me, its my last yr, i'm gonna play, with hunger!

I so wanna win. And i will. And we will. Team first for RI would be perfect, a perfect start for the rest of the guys for their coming years when i live RI. A perfect legacy to live behind.

I'll win it.

Finally

Finally i'm 2kyu after winning last night.

The "there are more than 300 ppl scoring better than u" thingy must have gotten to me. Today i woke at 7.30 and then fell back to sleep again(as usual) but then in the afternoon i finally mustered the strength to go face chemistry, which is a chore for me cuz when i go search the web for info i dun really know what they're talking about. But i've managed it. Somehow.

Then went gym with greg and owwww my left hand, hurt a tiny muscle somewhere near the forearm(i'm hoping its not the bone's thats hurt). Was so dangerous, was doing bench press with dumbbells and suddenly my left hand smarted and gosh the weight dropped to my face! lucky greg was spotting for me and phew my face's saved. Thx greg and his quick reflexs :P

Now that i've gotten chem off my mind i can go to weiqi tourney tmrw in peace and tmrw morn i'm gonna wake early(and not fall back to sleep. No i'm not gonna sleep at 1 again today) and plan my study schedule (CT is like, 8 wks away?).

Yes.

Then i'll live up to my potential.

changing

Something's changing recently.

I've began to value quiet more. I'd lock myself in my room to do work (if i decide to do so) and i have lower tolerance of noise, which is why i didn't blog for quite some time. Its hard to find a quiet time.

Sunday had a scare, felt smth at my heart that area, wanted to see doc but dun know why my mum face turn black when she heard that. Monday was feeling better so i went gym anyway but then i could feel it when i ran trackmill so i stopped by by wednesday (yesterday) it was ok already. I really value health.

Tuesday had weiqi and i vomited right before it while walking there, probably cuz i was too hungry when i ate 5dollars worth of hokkien mee. Oh my i better watch my health sia.

ytd after gym went jurong point to shop for stuff, bought a new shoe as well as 2 shirts, all GREEN! no idea why i'm just beginning to like the colour.

Today's chinese presentation was good. Then rj ppl came to give a talk and then dhm showed us a breakdown of our results which was very disheartening. I knew my results were slipping, but really to know that around 300+++ ppl are ahead of u in this rat race is pretty scary. I must go look at the university websites and see which courses to pick, then get the 4As as my dad suggested and as i've told Mrs lim during PDI. Oh she commented my answers were lacking in detail and she said i did not meet her expectations which she was reconsidering if it was too high. I assured her it wasn't, but i 'm not too sure if i can meet it either.

I better start studying for CTs now. Its like, 8 weeks time? yeah after this wkn tourney i probably really have to tone down my weiqi. Xudong gave it up during this period lor. But i must have a plan. Tmrw's a free day for me, but wkn's gone to weiqi as well but i love the game oh no. But i also like the adrenaline rush from gym and chinky's 1-3-5 gym 2-4-6 swim sounds really hardcore as well. Its really about picking and prioritising.

And there's chemistry to fufill as well. I really need to wake early tmrw. My room's so messy its frustrating. Ugh.

Oh my i dun feel mature enough to handle it all. Its pretty new, feeling not mature, cuz i've always felt i'm more mature than my years. Or maybe its the attitude of 'slack dmp' thats getting to me. I must rid myself of it. Or else.

reMaking Mommy!

NOT DONE!!!!

gee. ok didn't go gym today, woke early then brushed teeth then gone back to sleep and conveniently pressed away the alarm clock. neither did i complete chem, we're kinda confused over it. Oh rehearsal went ok. Tuition's zuo wen test was nice, i was doing the chinese ws in the train, then i used stuff in the passage for my zuo wen! woo hoo.

Then i came back and i found my mom and sis chatting and after the recent problems with relatives, my interest-less mommy decided to 'find herself'. Wheee. correcto! Socialise! hahaha so we spent hours chit chatting and so she's gonna take up 1)yoga 2)taichi and oh she resolved to learn the computer as well! Tmrw she's gonna explore some cc my sis brought up. Whee. Tmrw's gonna be fun for her!

Oh and my mum was chit chatting with me and she said she heard from her frens that the frens children in some other sch got pressure to be in a bgr cuz everyone else is too. So she asked me, issit the same in ri and i said, mostly no but she told me to go find a gf by j1 anyway and i was like o.O nopez! no tying down so early.

Okok i oughta do my weiqi but hey sleep's more impt, tmrw gonna be a rather long day. Full day tmrw, afternoon's presentation and then i'm gg gym. whee. Train hard!

alright, i know my mummy's looking forward to tmrw... time to sleep, and tmrw will come soon!

byeee

Back and gone

Back to my winning ways.

But gone are the old days.

Ok, let me explain.

Some things have improved. After wed's gym+ soccer, thurs holi.. oh thurs went ruilin house for proj then went for weiqi lesson. THen fri had only one dmp period in the morn so i squeezed some time in between it and weiqi training to go to the gym. And today had been hardcoring weiqi, won 2 games in a row whee then watched the European Congress match.

But both thurs and fri nite were wasted on the computer, like, reading thru useless forums. And this morn i was supposed to go run but woke up late =/

But why 'Gone are the old days'? Cuz my pillow cover is tearing. I know it sounds stupid, but the little pillow i had since young with its smurf cover has torn a hole, a rather large one at the mouth area and guess what, i picked it (pulled it, rather) up from the bed just now and smth must have been in the hole and when i pulled it up i could hear the telltale sound and now the hole's bigger. Haiz i know i'm being sentimental and all but really, gone are my pre-teen days. And maybe i can get back the feel of them from these old songs. Guang hui Sui Yue. I've been listening to it the entire day. And guess what, i dun understand a word of it. I think its in cantonese, which i dun understand but i've heard the song's chinese version before so i get the drift of it. Sometimes even without words u can convey mood.

Oh and i went back to friendster today after abandoning it for months and i went around looking at old frens accts and gosh how have some of 'em changed! We're in a period of rapid growth.

hey i didn't mention anything abt work right? Yeah... thats cuz... well, i've done none of it, duh. Lets see whats waiting for me:

1. Planning and packing of room. (which was supposed to be done on wednesday)
2. RE presentation which is on monday, and rehearsal's tmrw.
3. Chemistry project which is due wk 8, and i've told the guys to send me by this wkn. Some kinda ic for this proj yeah.
4. Chinese hw! which hz kindly reminded me =(
5. Preparing for DMP? I'm like lagging way behind in phonemics class :(

ok thats quite enough. Or else i'll lose sleep again.

That reminds me of my Healthy Lifestyle program. Ok in this wk i've resisted the temptation of soft drinks (oh, i took a can of Guiness Stout last night, was just curious, eh but it doesn't countas a soft drink does it), went to the gym twice, now all's thats left is Sleep Early. gosh. Is it that hard? ok i'll go geddit done.

Now here's the Grand Plan.

After this post entry(roughly 9.30?), go prepare script for RE, should take till about 10pm then SLEEP (impt! impt ! impt ! cannot stress how IMPT this is!!!!)

Then tmrw wake up at 6.30 to prepare to go gym. Gonna be whole body work out again, then go and run run run like my fitness is now close to 0? So the weights is secondary. Just make sure u run.

Then come back and shower and eat eggs and then from 11->1 u have 2 impts tasks to complete. First is u must must must do the chinese ws cuz its due tmrw? Then do chemistry (impt! impt ! impt ! cannot stress how IMPT this is!!!!) proj cuz ur frens are waiting for u to compile it.

Then from 1 it'll be lunchtime then after that go to zw's house for rehearsal then at 3.30 set off for chinese tuition. SHould be back home by, 7pm? Then its time for dinner etc plz finish by 8pm. Then now here comes the biggie... go tear down the July calender in front of u(or behind the com) and get the August one out and Start Planning!!! (impt! impt ! impt ! cannot stress how IMPT this is!!!!) and along away do look around u and dump any stuff that u no longer need, ur room is not a 2nd hand shop, u know.

and after that keep to ur committment, come back to the com and spend 30mins doing weiqi sihuo ti. (impt! impt ! impt ! cannot stress how IMPT this is!!!!)

Oh and when everything's over, come back here and report,

********!!!(=DONE=)!!!********

Happy

Happy because iwent gym played soccer then played pool.

Happy because i decided to be so.

Happy because i'm gonna play weiqi.

:)

musical therapy

i feel better now.

Been some time since i blogged twice in a day.

But listen to zhou hua jian's old cd really helped. I wonder why. Old songs, i think , have a certain calmness about them.

Let 'em seep into me.

Veered Off the Course

Things aren't going very well.

There's problems all around. And worse still, they're repeated problem.

Humans tend to sit around and criticise everyone but themselves. I shall follow in this thread.

My aunt's prob is not new. Like an old show replayed and replayed and replayed.

Neither is my sis's. Just a matter of declaring she has no interest for the course/sch/sub she's studying in. Please.

How many times do you want to make the same mistake?

And now for myself. Its the same old problems. Rather its one problem, i'm feeling very lousy, both physically mentally and emotionally.

Physical part is easy to understand. Falling sick so many times, losing all my fitness in the process...Not sleeping enough. 3am on sunday and 1.30am ytd. Back to the bad old days. Oh i'm getting fat again, can see on my stomach. All the chocs and cha hum quay tiao. And i'm itching in so many places. Wonder where did i get bitten.

Mental part can be traced to the lack of sleep as well. Without sleep, everything's screwed.
And the getting fat as well. Look good, feel good. Look bad, feel bad. Simple.

But there's more. I was rushing the eng essay last night and had to read some reading materials and one of the guy said, to enjoy your work, you've gotta "do great work". Which is not what my ss video is resembling. Although i think my essay was pretty well done.

I think i'm lost in chasing these little deadlines. I mean, scurrying around to chase deadlines is neither new nor wrong, but its when u lose the big picture that everything's so screwed up. I 've lost my focus.

I need to restart my weekly planning. Seriously, i 'll collapse if i continue rushing day-by-day. I need to get my gym routine back as well.

Anyway emotionally its just cuz all these probs add up and it affects me. Now for the positives!

um. Haha. Soon! But now i need to reorganise stuff.

Like get things done myself. Can't keep asking ppl to go gym. must go myself like last time. So here's the plan:

Tmrw gonna wake at 7 and head to the gym. Oh not just gymming, running as well i must get back fitness! So it'll be about 11 when i return home. So i'll makan and shower and do cleaning up!!!! Clear my messy room!!! that'll take till about lunchtime at 1. THen i'll have lunch and then its the planning bit of what i want to do. Like , refocus, set goals. And plan the week ahead.

And then i'll do reading, weiqi, whatever pleases me.

But all with a focus.

who killed my video

ok my sis just looked at the ss video and said..... Credits was good! others? Lets lift it out of here.

We'll improve it over the next 2 days.

For sure.

I love Horror stories, where the only thing to be scared of, are things Meant to be scared of. unlike life.

Silly title, just trying to justify how i spent another hour on Dracula hahaha.

As i prophesied, after every ultraproductive day would be a go-to-waste morning.

Ytd was one such day, and today was one such morning.

Ytd went to joshua's house for ss project from like 11am-11pm. Not to mention my bio test in the morn from 8-8.45 =/

But i really enjoyed it sia, couldn't quite have picked a better group myself, especially judging how screwed some other groups are. We're gonna pwn!!!

At least we pwn our older product. We realised our product was rather dry, so we tried to cut short the interviews, have parade of blogs, hype up our interviewees (not done yet) etc etc and of cuz the music better be good(not done yet either). But its gonna be done pretty darn soon.

Our original product was not bad, just boring. But now its better. Thumbs up!

And today i sleep till 12.30 omg headache ahhh.

No wonder ian says my blog is boring hahhaa but nvm i luv my life now.Even if its one stuck to the sch and bed!

The Forward dash

Dmp isn't so slack after all.

After finishing 2 tests today and looking forward to DMP where i can finally play some weiqi, i realise its not gonna be as slack as i had hope. In fact the only reason it's 'slack' is
1) stuff's not graded
2)its in the middle of plenty of holidays

Ok but i still enjoyed today. Announcement was ok, mrs m. Ong really helped us in the absence of mrs wl ong. Oh and the two tests were fine. Saw ben's jap fren today, but his eng was too poor to even communicate haiz nvm i'll learn jap then =)

whee i finally played weiqi again after so long. omg i love the game.

Oh but rj was sad case though. Seems like next yr 'd have 4 J2s. Thats not a problem in itself since those left are pretty committed. Just that the organisation for training really isnt there. Maybe i 'll organise stuff during the nov/dec holidays. Somebody's gotta get stuff going sia.

Ok now for Bio... then tmrw rest of the day's gone at SS proj. Then come back and chiong eng essay and then sunday morn go gym and i think finally on sun night i can play some weiqi. Whee!

till Sleep claims me

I was on mc today and last night i was supposed to sleep early.

But Count Dracula came knocking.

I read it till like 1.30am? omg i really like the atmosphere in the story. Scary, but somehow i love the thrill.

My Old Toy's so fun!

My cough drop's really powerful. despite waking up at 11.30, i fell asleep so many times throughout the day. zzz.

But today i'll study and study and study. Omg, in a few months, i'll touch chinese no more. How sad, isn't it? My mother tongue that i didn't really love till quite recently?

Tonight i shall study.
Study study study, till Sleep claims me.

So Happening!

NTU's orientation this yr is so happening, they're playing some kind of shooting games outside my house now, coolio.

But my life right now... it's going to be too! haha at least i've found the drive to push on. Lit presentation turned out wayy better than i expected compared to the other groups (cuz the other 2 groups didn't prepare =/ )

I'm pretty excited about Book Club.Its as if i've found an old toy. I remember my p6 post psles days, devouring roald dahl. Then sometime in lower sec i was engrossed in The Seventh Tower series as well as The Godfather and many others. But come to upper sec, i seem to have lost it all. I'm reading, like what, Gulliver's Travels? Please.

THere're so many books i wanna do, but i know there won't be time for them all . And i must take the group's interest into account as well. But regardless i'm definitely gonna read Dracula in my own free time. The unabridged one.

I'm so free everyday. I've got 24 free hours, just that i waste too many of them.

Make 'em productive!