as Reality ravishes my reality

I've puked twice today, but it is the least of my concerns.

Decisions, decisions. I have to make a choice, don't I?Neither of which suscribes to my original plan, nor would leave me much satisfied.

If you don't get what you like, you gotta like what you get. But i've got some trouble walking the talk.

Maybe no amt of work done, can reverse a decision made back some months. Did it all go to waste? I think so. 'd it have helped if i had earlier known? I don't know.

Maybe to tackle 2 things at once was the original mistake.

I don't know, don't ask me, i'm all question marks myself.

tired, but..

I'm so near dreamworld, cuz i'm so near my bed, cuz unread emails containing work stare at me as i stare at my laptop, and time's ticking by.

Im still feeling remnant happiness from adventure camp, so lemme clear the bad stuff first.I know i messed my work up big time. Econs test and math test were both failures. Like literally.

Interhouse weiqi i lost my temper again. I don't know why, i was really freaked out thinking about it after it, cuz i'm afraid i'm losing my self control.

I didnt like the tourney atmosphere. Please take the game seriously. It's an art-form, not some silly event for ya'll to rack up free-frag points,and create a ruckus. I will never allow a weiqi tourney i organise to be run this way. Cuz i love the game. Do you?

A trophy is scant compensation.

changing the topic, i thoroughly enjoyed adv camp.thx thx. Dairy farm really rocks haha its really like chalet lol. I enjoyed the climbing stuff, thx to those frm my group, the atmosphere was right, encouragement and all. The outdoor artwork today was so emo, but i'm glad to know ppl better. I mean, for those who did it seriously lah. But of cuz if u go and say smth generic its fine, but ur just not maximising ur time.

Highlight has to be the hike back. 4 hours, 7km, heavy rain. HC walter aaron geri grace me we made it! yayness man. And the hike itself, i think i was at my most chatty heh. Although thats quite rare and not much heh but nice talking to grace abt her eskimo blood and finding out from mr koh abt the army, though its not like smth i'm like looking forward to lol.

Oh yeah and thx guys , the guys in the bunk. Makes me feel its ri times again. Guys just communicate differently, its great to be back in one's comfort zone again, even if its only for a day and a half.

challenges lie ahead. of cuz.

and i do get snubbed. Like getting weiqi capt for weiqi despite running for chair.

ok ok okk. lemme sleep. And may i just dream the good stuff.

stuff.

yah i know i'm getting quite crazy.

Crazy with my scheduling.

This bullshit abt doing ki hw, math hw, math rev for test(unrelated to math hw) and econs test prep tmrw is pure madness.

Add to the fact that i 'm also planning to hit the gym tmrw to burn off the EXTRA EXTRA calories i piled on today. Oh, and there's ms singapore tmrw.

Now, pausing this whiny shit for a moment, lets look at my last 2 days, and what caused this major overload.

Fri morn woke early to do Yeats poem. At least my sleep @ 11 is working yay.

Evening interview's delay really got to me. Starting at 7.30 when given a 6.15 slot doesnt say very good things about an organisation's organisation. And to have an accusation thrown at you in such a tone during interview by your very own senior who missed a tournament you urge clubmates to go for kinda blew the lid off my fury.

Damn.I'm letting my past accomplishments get to me. Temper, temper, u better not get undone on monday. Rmbr, ur all good and great, but be humble, cuz u need them more than they need you. And you really want it.

Then this whole episode got me into this chatty mode so i spammed msn. It's great, really. old 'comrade', old email fren and old fren-whom-i-once-wished-was-more-than-frens. talking abt NOW. Old. yeah. oldness gives me a sense of familarity, a grasp of something concrete. I like that feeling.

Oh and jiaxi thx for ur support hahaha, backing me up during ur interview. Thx thx.

And today was SMASH (Science & Math Are So Happening! cool name huh) trail at sentosa. Underwater world was beautiful! i'm in love with Sea Angels oh my. All i lacked was a cam! And after attending debrief by the snrs, i think im really not cut out for these stuff, at least on the comm level. No wonder the j2s are all gals. The amt of liason and detail req, doesn't quite suit my personality. But hey, i want to play a part somehow, cuz its pure good fun. Kids, hope you enjoyed yourselves! I certainly did =)

And ha i had my first Macs in years. so nice of ya'll to laugh at me, alex debbie dawn.ADD for short. haha. like how kim tho laugh at my not knowing how to order subway earlier this year.Now i know how to eat apple pie! Not that i liked it very much though. not like subway. Sub's healthier.

Oh and tonight i had prata and satay for supper. Wise-ass me. I so have to burn 'em calories off tmrw. Today is the day to sin, food-wise.

Today i'm gonna start a series of files. When it does actually get me somewhere, maybe i'll talk more abt it.

Next thurs/fri is adventure camp! My sch ends on tues, as far as im concerned lol.

Chiong arh. Its 11, but my stomach's os bloated i can't sleep. ok i'll write me files. cya ppl. By that, i guess it just means zijian and jin lol, this poor 2-reader blog of mine. But at least it's read by old frens. Gives a sense of familarity, something concrete that i can grasp. I like that.

the mega problem

If i were to pick out smth wrong with my life now, its has to be - studies!

Yeah, the others aren't doing too well neither.

Aint had much time for weiqi. Haven't been keeping up with the problems, and only played my 2nd game of the week today (lesson's tmrw!). Plus i won't be able to make it for this wkn's selection since i got this science and math trail thing.

Floorball isnt too good. As (perhaps overly and too clearly ) pointed out by jon muk on monday, too many aspects of my game is weak. Shooting, passing, receiving, defending, game sense etc .And stickwork. U name it, it needs to be improved.

See. My 2 ccas ain't doing good. And i'm still thinking of committing more to boon lay youth club. Cut back bro, cut back, look at ur grades.

Got a 14.5/25 for lit essay. Damn. And thats not the bad thing. My whole plan of revision for math today (chap 2&3) ended up being chap 2, half done. Afternoon was supposed to be chap 3. Ended up playing floorball. After youth club meeting was supposed to be studying as well. Once again, floorball. Tonight had some time, wanted to pack bag. End up reading book. After that, had 3 hours. supposed to be 1hour for weiqi 2 hours for mc's essay. End up squandering all on weiqi.

Now i'll be rushing an essay right before the deadline again.

oh and napfa 10.43, A-less. Damn. Haha trust alwyn to say, how come u lose to auyong, everyone's talking abt it. Yeah i know its not everyone, but yeah i get the surprise factor. I wanted to say, if in 2 weeks time i don't clear 10.30, even if i get the capt post i won't take it. But then again i know my head's too muddy, i don't want to say no silly things.

I need the discipline to do work. Simple as that.

Postives of the week? I've been getting myself to sleep at 11. At least thats a good thing. But not amazingly good i concede. Nothing to celebrate abt.

What to celebrate abt?

When i get A for math and A for Econs next week.

Now that's something =)

figuring

nothing that's bad, nothing's that good.

I'm sorting stuff out.

Can i really handle it all? Work, weiqi and floorball isn't as easy as i thought. Maybe that's cuz i'm not as disciplined as i thought i was.

Do i really 'cut a lonely figure'. I should think so. Credit alwyn for his keen observation and willingness to tell me that. True frens tell the truth, too many white lies falsify a frenship.

Should i set out to address that? Or maybe its a case of too little, too late.

Or perhaps simply the need to go "somewhere i belong".

All these 'd be manageable, if only these 2 years weren't the last of my schoolboy days. Yeah yeah there's uni but its different. Maybe it's just the uniforms. Or maybe not.

I'm just rotating 'Its my life" & "you give love a bad name" (both by bon jovi) and "zombie"(cranberries) in my playlist now. And reading 'The Game'.

how sad.

or maybe not.

pity the juices don't flow

maybe its cuz i havent blogged in a long while, can't seem to write nice and lyrical. Hell, i can't even think of a decent title.

This's been a dinner's-out-everyday week, save for thurs, sat today. Ok, thats not alot , but for me yeah it is.

Tues went to watch TMNT with chenz ben huixiang, then chat for hours after dinner. With elections results out and us not meeting for a long time, plenty to talk about.

Wed after pt went for local uni talk. Really big decision, kinda wanna save the big bucks for grad sch, but then again after years in the raffles family, going to local U now will kinda lose the glam factor. Yeah our local unis are good, but still it ain't Yales nor Harvard. And among the 3 unis which to choose? I like SMU, but it has no double degrees and no campus. Ntu i've stayed all my life, i'd really want my uni life to be smth different and exciting. Nus? haven't heard much abt it, 'll probably find out more as time goes by.

Fri hongjie treated the 8 of us to fish and co, then we went LANing. Haven't lanned in like a year? Oh my how everybody grown. We've progressed from talking gaming to talking gals to talking politics and gals. Time flys by , and its flying faster.

After that went to hunt for new shoes but went from outlet to outlet, but none of the world of sports had my size.So i decided to go search for a book instead. The search led me to borders, and after buying books whee upstairs had Nike, which had the ronaldinho series which i bought.

Ok this is no distorted, no time to talk abt the book i bought. Kk i shall get off gambling on Tom weiqi and go to sleep. Till next time.